Paralyzed

Today, I feel paralyzed,
Unable to reason, unable to dwell again,
In the pain I used to live in.
That ache, that shattering, that bitterness for myself,
I miss,
I miss those piercing of innumerable needles,
Going right through my heart, my words and my breath.
The numbness in the fingers,
The silence in the chaos,
And the droughted eyes,
Now tells a different story.
Not of pain and not of misery,
But of solitudeness and indifference.
Unmoved and unaffected to the worldly laughs and sorrows,
I feel emotionless now,
No pain, no sorrow and no suffering of any living seems to bother me.
Am I turning into a stone?
Am I going away from worldly attachments?
Am I going to be a saint or a heartless living?
Less responding to all those aching stimulies,
I feel cold and dead,
With just a broken heart,
Just Beating and pumping to survive this beautiful hell.
I now feel got used to pain and sufferings,
Now immuning to all this,
I feel numb and lifeless.
It’s strange to feel longing for pain,
But, it is the only thing which didn’t left me in my hard days,
Now, it is too leaving me,
Leaving me to the shadows of solitude.

Constant

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Nandita says:

    I was in a dilemma whether to like this or not. I hope you are okay, my friend. Sending you warm wishes

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ssameera :) says:

      I feel the same :/

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thanks Nandita.❤❤❤

      Like

  2. Enigma says:

    This is a paradox. We don’t want to be in pain yet we don’t want pain leaving maybe because we grow so attached to it.
    Healing is difficult and maybe that’s the time when you feel like you need to pain to survive.

    Its alright.
    I so hope that you don’t feel emotionless, numb because that feelings are worst than pain.
    They block our thought processes and spit us in charcoal.

    I just hope you don’t give up. Please remember that none of it was your fault. You did nothing wrong. I am all ears if you need any.

    Your friend,
    Enigma ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can say I have one amazing friend here.
      You are right, I have been in pain for so long that without it I feel void. Happiness seems far far away but too much pain is making me feel less for everything. Things that used to bother me, like pain of some other, now doesn’t affect me much. I don’t know where is it going but at least my own pain is leaving me here.
      Thanks for your support Enigma. I know I can always count on you.✌✌

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Enigma says:

        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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